Waiting
Am sitting around waiting to meet with S. He was supposed to be here at 4pm. He didn't show up, and around 4:30 I went off running instead, knowing that he was supposed to meet E then. Now I am back, have gone to the yarn store (which Ashly very kindly let me in as she was already closed) and they are still chatting. Am contemplating how much longer I should wait before throwing in the towel. One thing is for certain, I do not like waiting around for others, never have and never will.
My inertia in making a reservation for my trip to Asia has resulted in me sitting on waitlists. Alright, to my credit I was hoping that I didn't have to make the trip. However, it would probably have been clever of me to simply make the reservations anyway. So now i have a reservation from LA to Taipei and Singapore to Taipei but not the rest of trip. Hopefully other indecisive people like myself will cancel and I will be able to get a seat. But the tentative dates are 12/22-12/25 in Singapore, 12/25-12/31 in Taipei.
I have not had a good week overall. Spent most of my days feeling rather blue. The job hunt is causing me a great deal of stress. R and I had a discussion about this, and I think it mostly stems from the fact that we are these super overachievers who simply cannot stand (or imagine even) the idea of not succeeding at everything we set out to do. And we mused about how we got to this state. Really, my parents always wanted me to do well, but never to the extent of "you're a failure if you don't succeed." So where do these feelings of inadequacy come from? After all, in a sense, I have accomplished many things already. I go to a top school doing research in a top lab, I'm a reasonably good singer, I maintain a well balanced life by staying active with many hobbies, and most importantly, I have many friends and family who love and support me. So why is it so important for me to succeed at everything I try, not just succeed, but do phenomenally? Is it really reasonable to assume that I can/should be able to do whatever I want? Is my ego so important? R and I think that because we have tasted success and we liked the feeling of being the best at something, we keep trying to attain that "high" in everything we do. It's like an addiction, and today when I was watching Sarah Reinertsen finish the Hawaii Ironman with only 1 leg, it just reminded me of how much I have to be thankful for. Goodness, I have two well functioning legs and am not handicapped in any way (unless you count my very bad eyesight), so what am I whining about?
The tank at work has also been stricken with Ick. However, I caught it early and looks like I will survive that without any casualties. Wish I could say the same thing about the tank at home though. I have pretty much lost my entire tetra population, the platies still look bad, and the guppies and gouramis are also getting ill. Only source of consolation, I can always repopulate the tank at home with the fry from the tank at work.
And to top off my bad week, some fucking asshole hit my car while I was at an interview yesterday. I came out and there was this giant scratch across the side of my car. Seriously, if you think you might not make that turn, then don't do it! Thankfully there was no dent, and I managed to get most os the bumper rubbed off, but if you look closely there is still a scratch. Bastard.
T got married! I was contemplating the idea of visiting him in Japan when he told me that he got married last week! What kind of friend keeps news from us for so long! Terrible! But we are all very very happy for him. He's got a job, and wife, and kids are sure to follow soon!
My inertia in making a reservation for my trip to Asia has resulted in me sitting on waitlists. Alright, to my credit I was hoping that I didn't have to make the trip. However, it would probably have been clever of me to simply make the reservations anyway. So now i have a reservation from LA to Taipei and Singapore to Taipei but not the rest of trip. Hopefully other indecisive people like myself will cancel and I will be able to get a seat. But the tentative dates are 12/22-12/25 in Singapore, 12/25-12/31 in Taipei.
I have not had a good week overall. Spent most of my days feeling rather blue. The job hunt is causing me a great deal of stress. R and I had a discussion about this, and I think it mostly stems from the fact that we are these super overachievers who simply cannot stand (or imagine even) the idea of not succeeding at everything we set out to do. And we mused about how we got to this state. Really, my parents always wanted me to do well, but never to the extent of "you're a failure if you don't succeed." So where do these feelings of inadequacy come from? After all, in a sense, I have accomplished many things already. I go to a top school doing research in a top lab, I'm a reasonably good singer, I maintain a well balanced life by staying active with many hobbies, and most importantly, I have many friends and family who love and support me. So why is it so important for me to succeed at everything I try, not just succeed, but do phenomenally? Is it really reasonable to assume that I can/should be able to do whatever I want? Is my ego so important? R and I think that because we have tasted success and we liked the feeling of being the best at something, we keep trying to attain that "high" in everything we do. It's like an addiction, and today when I was watching Sarah Reinertsen finish the Hawaii Ironman with only 1 leg, it just reminded me of how much I have to be thankful for. Goodness, I have two well functioning legs and am not handicapped in any way (unless you count my very bad eyesight), so what am I whining about?
The tank at work has also been stricken with Ick. However, I caught it early and looks like I will survive that without any casualties. Wish I could say the same thing about the tank at home though. I have pretty much lost my entire tetra population, the platies still look bad, and the guppies and gouramis are also getting ill. Only source of consolation, I can always repopulate the tank at home with the fry from the tank at work.
And to top off my bad week, some fucking asshole hit my car while I was at an interview yesterday. I came out and there was this giant scratch across the side of my car. Seriously, if you think you might not make that turn, then don't do it! Thankfully there was no dent, and I managed to get most os the bumper rubbed off, but if you look closely there is still a scratch. Bastard.
T got married! I was contemplating the idea of visiting him in Japan when he told me that he got married last week! What kind of friend keeps news from us for so long! Terrible! But we are all very very happy for him. He's got a job, and wife, and kids are sure to follow soon!
posted by La Nuage at 6:13 PM
4 Comments:
OHMYGOD, you have to reserve Xmas Day for me then! I will be back on Xmas eve and staying till New Year's Day.
Hey, hope to meet up. Let me know the days available. Either after work or even lunch time. But xmas eve and day I'm occupied with family.
yes yes yes we MUST meet up! It has been way too long!
WTR your point about success and wanting everything...hmm I think it's healthy to have goals and standards and to keep striving to be better, but only if it's coz you want to fulfil your potential and see how far you can go.
If it's for the sake of "one-upping" other people, then it becomes pointless, coz they'll always be people better than you. You have to enjoy what you do - and get better at it - coz of the intrinsic happiness you get from it - not coz you beat others at it.
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